Salt and Pepper – Episode 1 – Aadhaar card atrocities

Scene 1 – YAMALOKAM (HELL)
(CHITRAGUPTHA was busy looking into his book which has records of every man’s actions in his life. He was turning the pages to find the data of a recently dead person who has just arrived into their hall (HELL). Since there were lot of pages, he was struggling to find the person’s name. His boss YAMA was getting embarrassed with the delay and just then NARADA arrived as usual bringing some information)

NARADA: Good morning my lord !! How are you? Having nice day?

YAMA:  No Mr.NARADA. Not a good day at all.

NARADA: What happened my lord?

YAMA: Humanity’s population is exploding along with their sins and Mr.CHITRAGUPTHA’s book is becoming large and he is feeling difficult with the amount of volume he has to search. There is lot of time being wasted in turning that pages of book. We are thinking of a solution to this problem

NARADA: Oh my dear poor CHITRAGUPTHA… So sad !!

(CHITRAGUPTHA is still busy unaware of NARADA’s arrival)

CHITRAGUPTHA: Yes.. Got it!! This idiot has done unpardonable sins.

(YAMA announces the punishment)

NARADA: Hello Mr. CHITRAGUPTHA..How are you?

CHITRAGUPTHA: Fine Mr. NARADA. Any news?

NARADA: Yes. I have a sensational news which will unburden you with that book.

YAMA: Seriously???? What is it?

NARADA : AADHAR Card ..

YAMA: Can you explain?

NARADA: Indian government has come up with a unique concept of collecting biometric data of all the citizens and assigning a unique number to each person. So that this unique number from thereafter will be used to discharge welfare activities of government to its citizens.

YAMA: Ok.. Nice idea!! But how can it help us? How can it reduce our burden with that voluptuous book?

NARADA: Let me explain!! Apart from delivering welfare activities, Narendra Modi’s government went a step ahead and started linking that AADHAR number to Competitive exams, College admission tests, government job interviews, Passport, Bank Account number, PAN and is planning to link other things near future.

By linking every activity done by its citizen to a single number which is popularly called AADHAR, they are going to monitor, trace and record every activity of a citizen.

So, if you have access to that data base, you can easily get the information about good and bad of an individual. So, know the AADHAR number, get the details and give your punishment.

YAMA: Excellent idea!! We should utilise this. But before going ahead, I think it is better to discuss with my lord Mr. SHIVA. We need to travel to Kailasam immediately. And meanwhile send a message to Lord VISHNU, Lord BRAMHA and also Lord Indra to gather with their family in Kailasam ASAP.

NARADA: Should I send a Whatsapp message or an email.

YAMA: Send both. And mark the email as Important and send a CC to my wife so that she will not scold me for being late to dinner. I think Kailasam for its remote location in Himalayas might face a network problem. So, bring an Airtel or BSNL SIM card. We can’t trust JIO alone.

(Meanwhile CHITRAGUPTHA updates in Facebook. Yey!!! So excited.. travelling to Kailasam along with my boss and NARADA for an urgent meeting to discuss about latest invention of Humans.)

(Within seconds, Lord Ganesha likes it)

Scene 2: Kailasam (Himalayas – Home for Lord Shiva)

Nandi: Welcome YAMA Raja and NARADA!! Everyone is waiting for you.

(After all the pleasantries everyone gathers around a table with drinks (amrutham) )

SHIVA: YAMA !! .. The subject of NARADA’s email says ‘ Feasibility of AADHAR card usage in YAMAloka’. I came to know about the latest events in India and was so eager to know the details.

So, we have already visited India to enrol our families for AADHAR card. We forgot to inform you.

(Lord VISHNU smiles)

YAMA:  So, you might be knowing more about this latest human invention. Can you tell us whether it will be useful to use it in my work?

SHIVA: Well. Before the feasibility of AADHAR in your work, I will narrate my experience with AADHAR enrolment.

(He pours some Amruth into the cups and offers to all the guests. YAMA and NARADA become very attentive)

(Meanwhile, Lord Ganesh is worried about his upcoming birthday and browses in Google ‘Precautions to take during Vinayaka Nimajjanam’. Lord VISHNU notices this and smiles)

SHIVA: I visited Varanasi to enrol myself for AADHAR card. I think you are aware of the fact that Varanasi is the most visited temple of mine by humans and also Narendra Modi’s Parliament constituency.

BRAMHA: It’s also one of the first cities selected for Smart City project.

(Lord VISHNU smiles. Goddess Ganga who is sitting upon Lord SHIVA’s head intrudes into the discussion)

Ganga: Sorry my Lord. Varanasi might be a smart city and Narendra Modi might be its MP. But my Lord, they are polluting me. They are making and shouting false promises to clean Ganga but they are making me dirty like never before. My sister Yamuna’s condition is even worse in Delhi.

BRAMHA: Don’t worry Ganga.. Modi is ready to clean you and he assigned this task to Uma Bharathi. Let them have some time. They are taking necessary steps. Be patient. Unfortunately I can’t say about your sister Yamuna. She is under Arvind Kejrival’s control. And right now he is busy in understanding the technology in the EVMs. So it will take time before he comes to your sister’s rescue. Don’t worry!! He has got good brain. After all, he graduated from IIT. When nothing seems to be feasible, he will clean the Yamuna with his broomstick.

(Lord VISHNU smiles again)

SHIVA: Ok.. Please don’t divert from the topic. So, In Varanasi, my wife PARVATHI and my sons Ganesh and Murugesh successfully gave their finger prints and iris. When I placed my fingers on the scanning machine, the machine was shouting.

NARADA: What happened my Lord? Why was it shouting?

SHIVA: You know I am the Lord of death and my entire body is covered by ash (Viboodhi).  So, my finger prints were not getting detected by the machine. But Ganga helped me by offering water to clean my hands and later I gave my finger prints.

Then came the retinal scanner. The technician present there insisted to scan my third eye also.

(Lord VISHNU smiles again)

NARADA and YAMA: What?? How dare he ask you to do that? Does he know who you are?

SHIVA: Yes he knows, but he showed me the rules and regulations book. Poor fellow.. What can he do?

NARADA: What happened later? Did you open your eye?

(Lord SHIVA replies proudly)

SHIVA: Yes I did.. But the machine caught fire.

(Lord VISHNU smiles again. This time sarcastically. But Goddess Lakshmi notices the smile and asks her husband to narrate his experience on earth.)

Adhar DSCN4543

(Everyone looks at VISHNU expecting an interesting story. Meanwhile Lord Ganesha is still searching for answers in Google)

VISHNU: I faced no problem while giving my bio metrics for AADHAR. But as you all know I had multiple avatars so far and with that came multiple addresses, families and identities.

My birth place was Ayodhya and I belonged to a Kshatriya clan. I had a brother Laksmana and my wife’s name was Seetha. Later in Dwaraka, I was born as Krishna into a Yadhava clan and this time had two wives Sathyabhama and Rukmini. And today as Lord Venkateshwara in Tirupathi, I have two wives.

NARADA: So, having multiple families and addresses created any problem?

VISHNU: Not at all NARADA. The technician was so kind and he was also my fan (devotee). He understood my plight and generously asked for my present address. Then I gave my temple address at Tirumala/Tirupathi as present address.  But…..

YAMA and NARADA: What happened my Lord? Why did you stop?

(Now SHIVA and Brahma started smiling at VISHNU)

(Lord VISHNU continues in low voice)

VISHNU: You know I have a large debt with Kubera in the present age (Kali yuga). My devotees across the world offer me money and gold to help me clear my debt. So, I am the richest God in the world and Tirupathi is my home ground.

NARADA: Yes. There is no doubt in that. We are also aware of your bank accounts in Trivandram, Guruvayoor, Srirangam and Tirupathi.

VISHNU: Yes.. But the problem is with those accounts. Recent Finance Bill in parliament made it mandatory to link AADHAR with PAN number. I have four different PAN numbers associated with each of the four bank accounts with multiple names as Padmanabha, Krishna, Ranganatha and Venkateshawara respectively.

So, if I link my AADHAR to those PANs I will be caught by Income tax department. Its hard earned money of my devotees. I will not part away with it.

NARADA: So sad!!

(SHIVA and Brahma still giggling. Goddess Lakshmi appears to be worried)

VISHNU: There’s one more problem. I never thought humans are so intelligent. You should not believe in them. They cheat you always.

When 500 and 1000 rupee notes were demonetised, humans were afraid of getting caught with these old notes and they deposited them in my Hundis across the four cities.

For an ‘innocent person’ like me to exchange such a huge quantity of demonetised notes in the banks is a dangerous task. Banks will certainly suspect the source of money and they will term it as black money. And the worst thing is, PAN was needed to exchange those old notes. I have four PANs. Which one should I give?

NARADA: What happened to all that money? Did you exchange them?

VISHNU: I didn’t dare to go to bank and dumped those notes in Palasamudram (ocean of milk where VISHNU resides). And also I can’t muster enough courage to link my AADHAR with PAN. But they are saying that PAN will be invalid until you link AADHAR to it.

(This time SHIVA and Brahma stopped laughing and became serious)

BRAMHA: Lord VISHNU!!!  It’s your money and it’s your personal problem. But we all have common problem. We need to discuss about that.

AADHAR will give the entire power to the government. AADHAR is linked to all the activities of a human. Government will come to know what its citizens are doing. Right from their browsing history, places of travel and telephone communications to bank accounts, they will monitor everything and also control everything.

On the other hand humans are more worried about their privacy and freedom. Government there is making mockery of Supreme Court by not following its guidelines.

If government gains control over its citizens, people will forget us and they will start praying the leaders. They will ignore us. We will cease to exist from their minds.

(Goddess PARVATHI joins the discussion after bringing Lord Muruga back to home who went missing in the Himalayas while playing Pokeman GO)

NARADA: When did humans became this clever?

BRAMHA: That blame as well as credit goes to my wife Saraswathi. She is the goddess of education. She was so kind and blessed them with extra talent these days. And now she regrets her mistake.

(Goddess Saraswathi stays silent with a feel of regret and not utters a single word)

YAMA: Ok.. AADHAR is only in India. What about other countries?

SHIVA: Similar schemes were introduced in USA, UK, Australia and Phillipines. But later they dropped off after realising the potential impacts of data leakages, privacy issues, and constitutionality of such a scheme. But still, without biometrics China and Korea are controlling their citizens more than before.

YAMA: If UK and USA dropped it off, why didn’t India?

VISHNU: I think we should request our friends ALLAH, JESUS and BUDDHA to join the discussion. The subject seems to have Universal significance.

(NARADA makes a Skype call to everyone. Within minutes everyone joins through Skype)

VISHNU: Hello guys?? How are you? After Second World War and September 11 attacks, we are meeting today.

JESUS: Yes. What’s the matter? Is there any serious issue like our previous meetings?

SHIVA: It’s even more serious. Its AADHAR from India.

VISHNU: There are Muslims and Christians in India. So I presume that you might be aware of AADHAR cards?

ALLAH: Yes. We are aware.. We tried to enrol ourselves but unfortunately didn’t succeed.

VISHNU: What happened? Please share your experience.

JESUS: My visit to AADHAR enrolment centre was so embarrassing.

ALLAH: Mine too

BUDDHA (Low voice): Mine too

LAKSHMI: Ok.. Everyone had awkward experiences on earth. Please let us forget that and stick to the point of how to tackle with this heightened cleverness of humans.

VISHNU: Let them share their experience. Let us have fun.

LAKSHMI: No, we are running out of time.

JESUS: Similar scheme was introduced in USA and UK. But it was dropped off due to several issues, privacy being the major one. These two guys Julian Assange and Edward Snowden showed to the entire world how governments are spying upon people. The manner in which these two brave persons leaked data states that ‘However strong the firewalls are, there is always a path to access and leak the data’.

ALLAH: Should we say humans are clever by inventing these technologies or should we say they are foolish or extra clever for utilising them to breach their own privacy by letting their governments to do so?

SHIVA: We should leave that question to humans itself. Let them think over it.

BRAMHA: Ok.. We shall wind up the meeting. Let humans have a decade of time to correct themselves. If they don’t change, we will take action, otherwise they will destroy themselves.

SHIVA: I think we should disperse. It’s late.

ALLAH: OK.. Bye everyone.. Thanks for calling.. I have a task to clarify doubts of my extremist devotees in Iraq and Syria. I think Quran didn’t go quite well with their wisdom. I should kick them and teach them.

JESUS: Oh.. Yes!! Even I have a much bigger task to deal with Donald trump and Vladimir Putin. These days they are talking too much.

VISHNU: Hmmm. There are few gangs in India too. I will deal with them in my style.

BUDDHA: All the best everyone!!! I don’t have any task. These Chinese, Korean and Japanese will never listen to me. Only task I have is to meditate.

(Skype call is disconnected)

YAMA: Lords.. Now what is your advice now? Can I use Aadhar card in my work?

SHIVA: I think you should not. Please hold on for a while. Let us see how humans will survive with this for few years. We will observe and it if goes well with them we can start using it.

YAMA: Thank you my Lord. I will leave then. Good night ..

(YAMA and NARADA leave)

VISHNU: This Amruth does not taste like before. Something is missing.

PARVATHI: Sorry brother!!!! I forgot to add salt and pepper.. Please… here it is…have it..

(They add salt and pepper)

SARASWATHI: Now it tastes good..

(Meanwhile, Lord Ganesh is still searching and is exhausted now. And he types new query ‘How to escape from Humans On Ganesh Chaturthi ‘ ..And the search continues.)

THE END

 

(Disclaimer: All the views expressed above are my own and I don’t have any intention to hurt the sentiments of any person and his/her religion. I am very sorry if anyone is hurt.)

Image By Kannanshanmugam,shanmugamstudio,Kollam (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0], via Wikimedia Commons

Feature Image by Biswarup Ganguly [GFDL, CC BY 3.0, GFDL or CC BY 3.0], via Wikimedia Commons

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